I’m Curvy — And Comfortable!

MY NUMBER ONE GOAL IN LIFE IS NOT TO LOSE WEIGHT. There are about 105k other things I care about more than a number on a scale… (fries, my niece Maleah, smiling, parmesan cheese, white wine… to name a few)

Society places so much pressure on women to alter their bodies. Females are consistently expected to change themselves; for slim women, the expectation to gain weight sits on their shoulders. And for big women, the pressure to shed pounds is placed upon them. The irony of it all is that, no matter how much you or I do, there is always going to be something else that pulls us away from being desirable.

And this is not just large corporate companies that push these expectations; it is the people we surround ourselves with, men and women. We have to end this. We can no longer be pushing women to morph themselves into something they are not. 

As a curvier woman, I’m often expected to carry the constant desire to lose weight. I am extremely comfortable with my shape and am not rushing to actively change that. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I will not pretend I never have bad days, but overall, I don’t desire to live a life obsessing over a number sewn into an article of clothing. I’m glad for that, because I have been there, and it broke me apart.

Sophomore year of college, I was deeply insecure and became obsessed with slimming down. I was constantly at the gym and frustrated at the lack of results. Mid-fall, I started a crazy diet that heavily controlled my intake of foods. Like, this was essentially a starvation diet; I constantly went to bed hungry. This unhealthy and obsessive behavior took an extreme toll on my mental health. 

Specifically, I remember one October night all of my friends were getting together to watch a spooky movie at our friend’s apartment and I stayed home because I knew there would be Halloween snacks and treats that would tempt me. That same night after eating an itty-bitty dinner that left my stomach grumbling, I called my boyfriend and just started sobbing hysterically.

During this conversation, I felt emotionally unstable; I recall him trying to sympathize with me saying, “Why are you so upset? Why are you crying this much?” And I could not explain it… I just felt so broken. Now, it wasn’t just lack of nutrients driving my brain crazy (though I think that heavily contributed) but it was deep seeded insecurity that was impacting all aspects of my life.

This experience persuaded me to make some SERIOUS mental changes. This pushed me to never allow insecurities to stop me from enjoying life. Never again was I going to pass up a day at the beach for fear of bikinis; never again would I be afraid of food at a gathering; never again would I allow a diet to prevent me from living.

You deserve to enjoy the body you are in. You are empowered to feel comfortable in your skin in the state that it is in at this moment. Stop putting a timeline on when you can accept yourself and make the decision to do it right now. It is easier said than done, but you can work toward this and you do deserve this!